


Hueco Mundo House of Horrors

by Ellsey



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, It's Halloween!, Kisuke makes a haunted house, Urahara Shouten shenanigans, Yoruichi cosplays as an Espada for a hot second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 07:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15310359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellsey/pseuds/Ellsey
Summary: Kisuke Urahara is full of Halloween spirit, and everyone is forced to participate. Some less willingly than others.





	Hueco Mundo House of Horrors

**Author's Note:**

> It's day 2 of Shiyori week! The theme for today was Hueco Mundo. This is where my brain went.

“Kisuke...what is this???”

Kisuke smiled at Hiyori’s question. This was going to be fun.

“Hueco Mundo House of Horrors?” questioned the tall blonde to her left. Shinji looked equally confused.

“Trust me, it’s pretty scary. I’ve been there in person you know,” Kisuke said in explanation. 

Shinji just shrugged while Hiyori snarled in Kisuke’s general direction. “This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of stupid things,” Hiyori spat.

Kisuke feigned pain. “Why Hiyori-san, where’s your Halloween spirit? I made this especially for all the Shinigami who are on patrol in this area. And, of course, all former Shinigami and other people familiar with them who live in the area.”

“Oh yeah? Who else have you conned into this Kisuke?” Shinji asked.

Kisuke gasped dramatically. “Why Hirako-san, there is such a thing as shopkeeper-client privilege you know.”

“THAT’S NOT A THING!” Hiyori yelled.

Kisuke gave a long sigh. “Well I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell just the two of you.” He could see that Hiyori’s already short fuse was about at its limits. “Ah, let’s see, we had Ichigo Kurosaki and all of this friends. And of course Lieutenant Kuchiki came with them. Oddly Lieutenant Matsumoto and Isshin were also with them as well,” Kisuke finished, shaking his head. 

Shinji gave a hearty sigh. “We’re not going to get out of going through this thing, are we?” he asked resignedly.

“Nope!” Kisuke led the pair to the entrance where Ururu was waiting.

“Welcome to the Hueco Mundo House of Horrors, trademark Urahara-Shihouin Industries,” the girl began in her usual flat voice. “What horrors do these halls hold? No one may truly know. Be prepared for the scariest night of your lives. Please note the Urahara Shouten is not responsible for any injuries sustained in running for your lives. Thank you and have a horrible time.”

Shinji and Hiyori shared an unsure look as the doors opened and slowly walked forward together. 

Hiyori looked around as they walked. “Was Kisuke’s shop always this big??” she asked.

“I don’t think so,” Shinji replied. “He must have done some kind of Kisuke mumbo jumbo on this place. This is definitely not natural.”

Hiyori gave a cringe beside him. “Nothing he does is natural. Let’s just get this over with.”

Ururu stopped beside the first room. “Welcome to the Forest of Menos. Please watch your step while in this room. You never know what you will run into.”

Shinji and Hiyori reluctantly entered the room. “What on Earth??” Shinji exclaimed. The room they had entered appeared to be an actual forest. They definitely could not see the ceiling. There was a well-lit exit sign at the end of a long path. 

Hiyori rushed forward, but when she was a few feet from freedom something big jumped out and grabbed her from behind. Hiyori gave a scream as she was easily swung into the air. Shinji reached for his zanpaktou quickly realizing that, of course, he hadn’t brought it with him. He ran towards Hiyori just as she got a good kick to the thing that had her, connecting with it’s lower region. They heard a loud groan, and Hiyori was quickly dropped while the creature howled in pain. 

Shinji ran to Hiyori and helped her up. He recognized that groan of pain though.

“Tessai?”

The creature stood up and gave a cautious bow. “At your service as always,” he said in a pained voice.

This set off hysterical laughter in Hiyori. “You need to tell Kisuke to give you a raise after this.”

“Indeed” was the only response they got as Tessai hobbled away. Hiyori was now almost doubled over in laughter. Shinji led her forward with a hand on her elbow. 

“I’m almost scared to see what he has for us next,” Shinji said.

“Well it can’t be funnier than that,” Hiyori snickered.

As they entered the next room Hiyori gave a slight jump as Ururu appeared before them.”Welcome to Las Noches, the headquarters of Hueco Mundo. I hope you’re ready for the scare of your very long lives,” she said flatly.

The first room they entered appeared to be a very long hallway. They didn’t see anything in it but a few pillars. “Well this looks safe enough,” Hiyori mused.

She was soon proven wrong though as they had to jump out of the way of a flying object. It was quickly followed by another. Soon they were being pelted with objects of various sizes. One of them hit Shinji squarely in the head.

“Ouch! That hurt!” he exclaimed. They heard the slightly deranged laughter of Jinta, and they then notice him perched on the top of a pillar with a baseball bat.

“Pretty good hit huh?” he laughed. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.”

This time it was Hiyori who grabbed Shinji by the arm and quickly pulled him to the next visible doorway. “I’m gonna kill Kisuke!”

The next room was round, white, and empty. Hiyori’s hair was standing on end though. “Something isn’t right about this,” she said as she scooted slightly closer to Shinji.

Suddenly part of the wall moved. A white cloak slid down as an Espada turned to face them. The Espada had an elaborate headdress covering most of their head and face. Their lower body though was...less covered. Much less covered. Hiyori and Shinji both tensed up for a moment until Hiyori scanned the “Espada” in front of them.

“Yoruichi?” she asked, pulling a face.

The Espada deflated and removed their elaborate headpiece. “How did you know?” Yoruichi asked, clearly depressed they had figured it out so quickly.

Hiyori gave an exasperated laugh. “Look at you, you’re barely clothed. I would know those boobs anywhere.”

“That’s fair,” Yoruichi shrugged. “But Kisuke assured me I looked super authentic.”

“Oh I’ll just bet he did,” Shinji said with a laugh. He promptly received a familiar shoe to the face. “Hey, what did I do?”

“Stop staring at Yoruichi so she can get dressed you letch,” Hiyori fumed.

Yoruichi laughed. “Eh, I may keep it on for a bit. It definitely gets a reaction from people. You should have seen poor Ichigo’s face.”

It was Shinji’s turn to laugh hysterically, at least until Hiyori hit him again.

“Well, you’d better go ahead,” Yoruichi said as she waved them on. “You’re almost done,” she added with a look of vague sympathy on her face.

The final room appeared to be some kind of throne room. Sitting at the end was a man with a vaguely familiar air. “Welcome,” he intoned.

“Aizen,” Hiyori gasped.

Shinji grabbed Hiyori and threw her slightly behind him on instinct. He took a deep breath to calm himself. This clearly wasn’t the real Aizen. That Aizen was locked away in a dungeon for a very long time. No, this must be someone else. 

“I hope you’ve enjoyed my little funhouse,” fake Aizen said with amusement.

Hiyori let out a primal yell. “KISUKE!! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU KISUKE!!”

Shinji again grabbed Hiyori out of instinct, this time pinning her arms to her side. “Good one Kisuke,” he drawled.

“Aizen” stood up and laughed. The illusion quickly dissipated and sure enough Kisuke stood in front of them clearly amused. “You two did look pretty frightened for a few seconds there. I figured that was about as much as I would get from two such seasoned soldiers.”

Hiyori, still in a fowl mood, managed to get nothing but grunts and mangled words out as she tried to break out of Shinji’s grasp. Kisuke managed to look a bit scared for a moment.

“Did I mention there’s candy at the end?” Kisuke offered.

Hiyori calmed down enough to grab Shinji’s hand and drag him toward a door that was now brightly labeled “EXIT.”

“You’re buying me whatever I want Shinji,” she declared.

“Hey, why me? I didn’t do anything,” Shinji complained.

“Doesn’t matter,” Hiyori said in response.

Kisuke looked very pleased with himself as he watched them walking hand in hand toward the shop. 

“I take it Operation ‘Scare Shinji and Hiyori into a Date’ was a success?” Yoruichi asked as she joined him.

Kisuke smiled at her. “Like all my plans, it worked to perfection.”

Yoruichi just rolled her eyes in response. “Do you think they’ll actually admit their feelings to each other?”

“Oh, almost definitely not. It will take at least 2 more grand plans for that I think,” Kisuke answered. 

“I can’t wait to see my costumes for those,” Yoruichi sighed. 

“Your comfort is always my #1 priority,” Kisuke said with a smile. “Speaking of which, we should get you out of that. That double sided tape can only hold it on for so long I would imagine.”

Yoruichi began to drag him upstairs.“Now that sounds like your best plan yet.”


End file.
